Sampunzel
by Winter Gray
Summary: Sampunzel aka Sam is snatched by Rowena the witch & locked away in a tower where he waits for a hero. Dean goes in search of the beauty with the gorgeous long tresses. Castiel the mama's boy Prince is sent on a quest by the Queen to become a man, save a boy-maiden and get hitched. Fergus, Rowena's son wants Sam for his very own. Gabriel, Smut, Humor. 5th in my Fairytale series
1. Best Tressed

Once upon a time there was a boy named Sampunzel who had the most marvelous tresses in all the land. As an infant he was snatched away from his parents by the evil witch Rowena. For the witch it was payback for Sampunzel's father stealing rampion from her garden to feed his wife's cravings while pregnant with Sampunzel.

Rowena raised the baby as her own and hoped someday when Sampunzel was old enough her son Fergus would marry the attractive boy.

As a youth Sampunzel was locked away in a tower and there he stayed for four long years with only the birds and squirrels as his companions. In that time Sampunzel's hair grew very long and more beautiful by the day. It was his crowning glory.

Alfie, his very favorite squirrel helped groom the silky locks for Sampunzel or as Alfie called him, Sam.

The day was fair and once again Sam sat at the tower window waiting for someone to pass by and save him. He hoped for a prince but at this point any man would do even a rascally ruffian. As long as his savoir was young and handsome with good teeth, Sam could overlook other things like title and money.

Alfie did a jig on the windowsill wearing a walnut for a hat. Sam giggled as the squirrel clickity clacked around with his tiny tap shoes.

"Oh Alfie, you are truly my only friend."

Alfie took a knee and did some jazz hands. "Yup I sure am. You know Sam, Rowena's son Fergus will be coming sometime soon to make you his bride. Then what will we do?"

Sam busied himself braiding a long piece of hair. "I don't know…what does it mean to be a bride?"

Alfie dropped his little walnut hat and sat glumly on the ledge. "I think you have to have personal relations on your wedding night and give him babies. I've seen Fergus up close; he's not your type at all."

"Whew, well I dodged that bullet at least. I can't have babies!"

"Sam it's a fairytale, anything goes."

"Crap…I forgot."

Sam suddenly burst into song.

 _A dream is a wish your heart makes  
When you're fast asleep…_

Alfie pressed his little paws over Sam's lips and chattered at him. "No, no, no! No Disney songs. Besides, save your singing voice for your wedding day and maybe Fergus will run away after hearing it."

Sam huffed, "I have a lovely singing voice!"

They agreed to disagree and spent the day watching for strange men to pass by, hopefully one with a ladder.

…..

Castiel the tone deaf Prince was working in his vegetable garden tending his prize plants. Every year he entered his produce in the village fair under the assumed name "Aloysius Apricot" and had won many ribbons for his zucchini, cucumbers, summer squash and eggplants.

His disappointed mother Queen Naomi shook her head sadly as Cas made out with an eggplant. "My poor son, he really needs a bride."

Gabriel her faithful manservant watched with amusement as Cas looked around then smuggled the large purple veggie into his trousers and scampered away. "I think a female bride is out of the question."

Naomi poked a long nail in the Gabe's shoulder, "Well find him a quest. There must be a pretty male locked in a tower or a dungeon somewhere that needs saving! Then he will marry the poor creature and give me some grandbabies!"

…

Dean Winchester was a known rascal around the kingdom. He loved ale and intercourse, not necessarily in that order. Dean was very handsome, single and free. He enjoyed the pleasures of women and men but lately it was male booty that held his interest.

Sitting at the bar of his favorite tavern the Raging Queen, Dean overheard two men talking about a beautiful boy trapped in a tower by an evil witch. Curious and always up for adventure Dean joined in the conversation.

The old man with the milky eye named "Milky" told Dean all he knew. "Aye lad, there is a beauty trapped in this tower by witch Rowena. It's said that his voice is the worst sort of caterwauling but his visage is that of an angel, a real stunner."

Dean was getting a twitch in his trousers now, "Sounds like fun. If I rescue him is there a reward?"

"Nay, but he would be obligated to give you his hand in marriage."

"I'm sorry I was staring at your creepy eye…what was that?"

The old man growled, "I said the boy would be obligated to marry you if you actually managed to rescue him but be warned, the evil witch Rowena is the one holding him captive."

The other man with the stump named Stumpy poked Dean with this wooden leg, "It said this boy has the fairest tresses in all the land."

Dean wiggled his eyebrows at Milky and Stumpy. It's not his hair I'm after."

….

Naomi stood over her son as he slept. Morning sunbeams cast a pretty glow over his sweet face. She shook his shoulder, "Wake up sleepy head, adventure awaits you."

Cas rolled over clutching his eggplant. His big blue eyes fluttered open and he gave the vegetable a kiss. Naomi gagged just a little.

"Good morning Mommy. Did you say adventure?"

Yes my sweetest baby angel doll, adventure. You are going on a quest to save a pretty boy maiden locked away in a tower."

Cas frowned and pouted, "Sounds dangerous."

"Don't worry; Gabe will go with you as plucky comic relief."

Cas leapt from the comfort of his feather bed with his stiff morning short sword jiggling about. "Excellent, I'll leave a boy and come home a man!"

….

Rowena entered the tower room that held Sam. "Good morning my pretty lad, I have the most wonderful news!"

Sam lay naked on the large featherbed reading an issue of "Heroes Monthly" and ignored the witch. She snatched the magazine away, "I said I have wonderful news. My son Fergus is arriving next week to make you his bride."

Sam wrinkled up his nose, "I heard he's unattractive, no thanks. You may have me locked up but you can't make me marry him."

"Oh you impertinent bitch, you will marry him and be grateful!"

"Nope, I got a good feeling that someone handsome is gonna come along and rescue me."

Rowena kicked aside the end of Sam's long thick braid that lay in a pile next to the bed. "I've had about enough of you and your fantasies of heroes coming to rescue you. Now put on some clothes and show a little decorum."

Sam flashed Rowena his whole fruit basket and the witch stormed out screeching threats.

Alfie crawled out from under a pillow. "She is so scary I left a pile of nuggets. Now what are we going to do Sam?"

Sam peeked under the pillow. "You are going to launder my sheets and I'm going to watch for my hero."

TBC

A/N- _Campanula rapunculus_ , common name rampion bellflower, rapunzel, rampion, or rover bellflower, is a species of bellflower.

This species was once widely grown in Europe for its leaves, which were used like spinach, and its parsnip-like root, which was used like a radish. The Brothers Grimm's tale Rapunzel took its name from this plant.


	2. Pretty, Picky Sammy

Sam was busy sorting his panties when suddenly Alfie started dancing around on the windowsill. "Sam, Sam a man is heading down the path past the tower!"

Sam dropped his crotchless black lacy number and hurried over. He called out to the stranger who was wearing a large hat. "Hello there stranger, I am a virtuous and young pretty boy that is in need of rescuing."

The man stopped his horses that were drawing a wagon full of ladders and looked up at the yummy treat. "Well you are in luck. I am a maker of the finest ladders in all the land and I can easily rescue you."

Sam wanted to see what the man looked like, "Take off your hat."

He obliged and took off his chapeau. The ladder man tilted his head up and gave Sam a jack o' lantern smile. He was liver spotted and bald except for a fringe of grey hair around the perimeter. "So if I save you will I get to marry you?"

Sam let out a shriek. "Gross! Never mind keep it moving buddy."

"But…but I have a wagon full of ladders and…"

Alfie shook a tiny fist at the ugly man, "You heard the lady, keep moving or I'll come down there and give you such a pinch!"

The man yelled, "Fine, I don't have to marry you. I'll save you just out of the kindness."

"No thanks, I have my heart set on having a handsome young guy rescue me."

"Fine, rot in that tower for all I care!"

The man took off down the path and vanished into the forest along with his wagon full of ladders.

….

Prince Castiel rode ahead of his faithful manservant Gabriel. The Prince toyed with a pink silk ribbon woven through a braid in his horse's mane

Gabriel caught up to him on his giant bearded goat Ruby. "Nice fancy pants horse you got there my Prince."

Castiel patted Daphne's mane affectionately, "Just because one is on a quest doesn't mean a person or a horse has to dress coarsely. Daphne and I have standards."

Gabriel could have answered a million different ways but none of them were pleasant so he held his tongue.

As the pair made their way through the center of the great forest they ran into a handsome young rascal riding a beautiful black horse. The rascal was heading in the same direct as they were. Castiel hurried Daphne up to the stranger after getting a gander at his fine buttocks planted firmly in the saddle.

The Prince batted his big blue eyes at young man. "Good evening stranger. I am Prince Castiel."

Dean slowed Baby to a stop and looked over the pretty prince. "Wow a royal right next to me. You must be from the less inbred branch of the family because you're super hot and don't have a speech impediment or wonky teeth."

Castiel was indignant, "You are rude!"

Dean moved Baby right up against the Prince's horse and wiggled his eyebrows at the blue eyed honey. "You smell like a virgin."

Dean got a slap across the face.

Gabriel wedged Ruby between the horses, "Enough with this childish flirting, we have a quest your Highness."

Dean was very curious, "Oh, I'm on a quest. What is yours?"

Castiel stuck out his chin and spoke in a clipped voice, "I am going to save a pretty boy trapped in a tower by an evil witch. Mommy said after I rescue him the creature will become my bride and then I can…" Castiel wrinkled up his nose in disgust, "…top him and impregnate said pretty boy so Mommy can have grandbabies."

Dean couldn't believe someone else was on the same quest, a prince no less. _"Great, how do I compete with that?"_

The Prince nodded to Dean, "Your turn, what is your quest?"

"I'm on the same quest. I wanna crack the seal on Sampunzel's booty. You can have sloppy seconds. Besides Castiel, I doubt you're a top. Go find a nice masculine man so you can be the incubator for all those babies."

Gabriel spoke up, "Back off you second rate lothario, I promised the Queen that her son would complete this quest and bring back his prize."

Dean got an idea, maybe not a good one but an idea none the less. "Let's discuss this over drinks. There is a tavern not far from here called "The Frisky Cucumber", they have cheap beer and a strip show. Best part is there are nice rooms for rent by the night or the hour. We can get a good night's sleep then start out fresh in the morning."

The Prince was excited at the idea. "Super, I've never seen naked men before and I love cucumbers and many types of produce. On the way there I'll tell you all about my garden!"

Gabriel couldn't hide his own curiosity. He was a very open minded manservant and a bit of a pervert. "Good thing I stocked up on singles before we left."

….

Sam stood at the window combing his lush bush below the equator as he gazed at the moon. "Oh my hero, my one true love where are you?"

Alfie had a tiny headlamp on. He was sitting on the ledge with a little basket of glittery rhinestones to bedazzle Sampunzel's downstairs hair. "Don't worry Sam I got a good feeling something wonderful is coming your way."

Sam looked down at his helpful little friend, "I hope your right Alfie. Fergus arrives soon."

The moon inspired Sam to burst into song.

" _Some day my prince will come  
Some day I'll find my love  
And how thrilling that moment will be  
When the prince of my dreams comes to me…."_

 __Alfie dropped the little basket of rhinestones, climbed up Sam's braid and slapped two paws over his friend's mouth. "No singing!"

Sam huffed, "Fine, someday a man will appreciate my voice."

"Sure if he's deaf."

…

Crowley was traveling via horse drawn carriage. He rode in comfort sipping a glass of scotch and enjoying the night air. He looked over at the Hell Hound Hades resting comfortably on the seat across from him.

"Hades I hope Mother didn't fix me up with someone not worthy of my excellent seed. I know she has this thing about carrying on the bloodline but really, am I marrying type?"

The dog opened one eye, let out a belch and went back to sleep.

"Well said my friend."

TBC


	3. The Frisky Pickle

Prince Castiel was out of his element at The Frisky Cucumber. Many of the men were loud and drunk including Dean.

A stripper dressed as a farm boy was standing on a large table swinging his hips as he slowly peeling off his bib overalls. At the moment the only thing showing was a pink nipple. Gabriel was jiggling his coin purse at the stripper. He downed a glass of wine and yelled, "Come on hot stuff, show me your frisky cucumber!"

The obnoxious manservant winged a coin hitting the young man square in the jewels. The stripper yelped in pain then waved over a huge mountain of a man and pointed to Gabe. "Hugo, that jackass bruised my nuts!"

Hugo let out an honest to goodness growl and took off after him, once cornered; Gabe relinquished his offensive coin purse to the bouncer.

Dean took advantage of the distraction and promptly pinned Castiel against the bar. He trailed the tip of his tongue around the shell of the Prince's ear. "Mmmm, you smell like fresh fruit. Wanna show me your fuzzy little peaches?"

The Prince whispered, "Do you mean my butt?"

"Maybe."

Castiel was never allowed around men like Dean Winchester. The Queen had her son watched to prevent perverts from corrupting her little angel. Too late, the royal vegetable garden had already done that.

Dean kept at the tender skin of Cas' neck until it was slick with spit and a nice hickey was forming.

The Prince dropped his head back and let out a whimper, "Dean why do I feel all tingly in my tights?"

Dean was excited at the prospect of entering the royal love tunnel. "Don't you worry baby, I'll take care of it." He took the panting Prince by hand, flipped a coin to the tavern keeper and carried his soon to be lover upstairs for a romp in the hay.

…

Rowena walked in a circle around her captive Sampunzel. "You need some work my boy. Fergus is picky," The witch glanced at herself in the mirror as she adjusted her bosoms, "I have no idea where he gets that from."

Sam stood there with his arms folded, towering over the witch. "I think I look good just as I am. Besides, I heard Fergus is no prize."

Rowena cast her gaze to Alfie who was peeking out from behind a silk covered pillow. "Perhaps a meddling little squirrel told you that."

She shot a burst of light from her fingertips trying to hit the squirrel but Alfie was too fast for Rowena. He scampered out the window and landed in a twisted old apple tree. The squirrel shook his little fist. "I'll get help for you Sam!"

Rowena poked her head out the window and hissed at the squirrel. He beaned her with a crab apple then dashed into the woods determined to find a hero worthy of rescuing Sampunzel.

Rowena screeched, "Don't show your furry face here again!" She stormed back to the dressing table laid out with hair ribbons, body glitter and makeup. "Oh I hate squirrels!"

Now busy doing his afternoon nude yoga, Sam looked between his long legs and smirked at Rowena. "I call this the Eggs and Sausage pose."

The witch licked her ruby red lips, "Oh really, from where I'm standing perhaps you should call it the Furry Starfish pose. Honestly Sam, try to have some decorum when my son arrives."

Sam wished Alfie was around to explain what decorum meant and what a furry starfish was.

Rowena dipped a flat wooden stick inside a pot of warm wax, "Speaking of furry starfish, let's clean that crack up. My son shouldn't need to wander through a forest before claiming your virginity."

…

The Prince made Dean chase him around the dingy room. "Get away from me you green eyed pervert! I'm saving myself for Sampunzel."

Dean finally had his prey cornered, "Give it up Princess, I'm gonna prove that you were born a bottom." He lifted Cas up and dumped him unceremoniously onto the straw mattress. "Now you're in for a treat."

The Prince had a slight smile on his face. "Oh no, I'm a sweet little innocent!"

Dean let out a weird cackle as he approached the bed rubbing his hands together, "Not for long."

….

Everyone in the tavern below sat quietly staring up at the ceiling. There was an interesting commotion going on upstairs that stopped all music and conversation.

"Oh my goodness Dean, it's much too big for me!"

"Close your eyes and hang on for the ride of your life Princess, daddy is gonna tap that booty."

*giggle snort*

"AAAAHHHH…oh my…fffffuperbutton…toot toot!"

"I'm gonna blow!"

There were groans, moans and whimpers. Then they even heard the loud pillow talk.

"Dean that was wonderful."

"I know, I'm pretty great in the sack. Is your butthole sore?"

"Yeah but in a good way. What is all this sticky white stuff?"

"Baby batter."

"What?!"

The tavern keeper waved to the musicians, "Ok I think we've all heard enough." People booed him but even the Frisky Cucumber had its standards.

Gabe's hands shook as he raised the flagon of appletini to his lips. The manservant was thinking of how bad his ass was going to get kicked when the Queen found out her son lost his precious cherry.

Gabe was really bad at his job.

….

The next morning Dean woke up to find a squirrel bouncing around on his chest. "Sorry little guy, I'm not into bestiality. Even I have my limits."

Alfie waved his little paws around, "My friend is in trouble and he needs someone handsome to rescue him. Are you a hero?"

Dean looked around and didn't see the Prince anywhere. He assumed Cas was in the little boys room freshening up. "Yeah, I'm a real hero alright. So is this friend Sampunzel the girly dude stuck in the tower?"

Alfie wrapped his paws around Dean's finger and tugged, "Yes, hurry because Fergus is on his way to marry him."

"Ok, I don't know what a Fergus is but it sounds pretty gross."

Dean snuck out with the squirrel, determined to reach Sampunzel first.

…

Rowena wiggled her way over to the carriage with arms open wide ready to hug her son Fergus.

She cooed, "Oh my wee sausage, I am so glad to see you."

Crowley stepped out and walked right past her with Hades following on his heels. "Mother, this boy better be worth the trip."

She batted her lashes at her son and gave him a toothy smile, "Of course dear, has Mother ever steered you wrong?"

Crowley pulled a cup of tea from thin air and took a delicate sip. "Do you really want an honest answer?"

"No darling, that won't be necessary."

…..

Sam gripped the edge of window ledge and watched as his suitor approached the tower with the witch at his side.

""Gross _, I'm not marrying him. Alfie better find me a handsome man to save me PDQ!"_

Sam crouched down to at himself in the full length mirror that wasn't tall enough to reflect all six feet four inches of him _. "It's a shame I'm so fragile and weak. A girly boy like me doesn't stand a chance against that brute."_

…

Alfie clung to Dean's suede vest laces as Baby carried them toward the tower. "Hurry up Dean, Sampunzel might be besmirched by now."

...

Rowena tossed another layer of body glitter on Sampunzel then stood back to admire her work. "My dear, you look like a princess."

Sam scowled at his reflection, "I look like a painted whore."

"No matter, my son enjoys beauty in all its forms."

…..

Crowley straightened his ascot then checked his breath. He admired himself in the mirror, "I'm a handsome devil." He plucked a rose from a bouquet on his dressing table and headed up the winding stairs.

TBC


	4. Race to the Tower

Fergus made it halfway up the long stretch of winding stone stairs leading to the top of the tower. He sat down for a rest with faithful Hades at his feet on the step below.

"Holy Hell, this little treat better be worth the climb."

Hades let out a series of vocalizations then rested her head on her master's knee looking up at him adoringly. Fergus scratched the top of her head. "You are a faithful bitch even if you are just a Hell Hound. If only you were human or remotely close to one." He glanced back at the stairs waiting for him and sighed, "Well we better get going. That crumpet isn't getting any younger."

….

Prince Castiel danced his way back into the room. Even using the disgusting privy at the Frisky Pickle couldn't ruin his good mood. He had made great strides in one night.

Castiel was no longer a virgin and he was just sure Dean didn't get him pregnant and even if the lothario did, Castiel was sure Dean would make an honest boy out of him. What in the world could ever go wrong!

He pranced over to the bed and poked at the form under the blanket, "Sorry to take so long darling, I had a lot of …oh what did you call it… baby batter to wash out of my butt."

When there was no answer he lifted the blanket and found a decoy Dean made out of pillows. Castiel was furious, he quickly dressed and found manservant Gabriel sleeping in another room with his thumb up a strippers ass.

"Wake up! Dean Winchester stole my virginity and now he's left to rescue Sampunzel. Well he won't get away with this, I'm going to rescue Sampunzel and bring him home to Mother."

Gabriel popped out his thumb and slowly sat up. He looked at the debauched little prince and felt sorry for the lad. "My Prince, sometimes men are cruel."

Castiel let out a loud sob, "Dean apparently just wanted a booty call and I gave away my virtue for nothing."

Gabriel was ready to tear out his hair. He paced the little room with a hundred thoughts bouncing around his head.

"Did he have protection?"

"Yes, I believe he carries a knife."

"No I mean a happy hat."

Castiel just stood there looking confused and blinking his big blue eyes, "A what?"

"You know, a scumbag, papa stopper, jimmy cap, rain coat, banana peel, willy wrapper, cock sock, love glove…get what I mean?"

"No."

"This is worse than I thought. I'll go saddle up my beard goat Ruby and get Daphne ready then off we go."

"Don't you mean bearded goat?"

Gabriel snickered, "Sure…bearded goat."

….

Alfie put on his half a walnut shell adventure helmet ready for action as they rode hard toward tower. "Faster Dean, poor Sam is probably naked and covered in glitter by now!" He waved his little paws in the air, "Oh poor virgin Sam."

Dean winced as his boner bounced against the saddle. "A naked virgin covered in glitter…well why didn't you say that before?" He pushed his steed harder, "Come on Baby I have a damsel to rescue!"

…

Fergus finally reached the top step and knocked on the door. Rowena called out, "Is that you my figgy pudding?"

"Open up Mother, I'm ready to collapse."

Rowena opened the door to a red faced and sweaty Fergus. "Goodness, why didn't you just pop up here instead of climbing the stairs?"

Fergus pushed past her and collapsed on the bed mopping his brow with a silk hanky. "Because you have the tower enchanted you miserable crone."

Sam backed himself up against the tower wall when Hades approached snarling at the pretty boy. She didn't like Sam one bit.

He pointed to the monster mutt, "See, I can't marry you. Your dog hates me."

Crowley finally took notice of his bride to be, "You are a delectable creature Sampunzel. I can't wait until you're with child. I always say, bitches are better barefoot and pregnant."

Sam screamed out the window, "Help, someone rescue me! I'm being held prisoner by a witch and a well dressed toad."

A salesman with a wagon load of grappling hooks happened to be passing by. He stopped and yelled up to Sampunzel, "Are you in need of rescuing lad?"

Sam zeroed in on the middle aged man with missing front teeth and a bald spot. "Um…no thank you, I want someone young and good looking. No offense but have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"But I sell a grappling hooks, I could have you out of there in no time."

Sampunzel rolled his hazel eyes at the dense man below, "Keep it moving pops, I have standards."

"Fine then you shallow boy. Stay stuck in that tower for all I care." The salesman left in a huff.

Crowley may have had a bald spot but he had lovely teeth. Sam picked the lesser of two evils.

The wedding date was set for the following Saturday to allow for the village people to join in the festivities. It would give Rowena time to put a notice in the Daily Pickle.

Fergus had them registered at Bait in Barrels, Medieval-Mart and JC Fugleys.

…

Dean and Alfie made it to the tower at the crack of dawn. Alfie scampered up the side to wake the late sleeper Sampunzel. The squirrel did a dance in his itty bitty tap shoes on a perky nipple waking the sleeping beauty instantly.

"Alfie you came back. Where did you go?"

"I found a handsome guy that I think could be your hero!"

Sam rushed to the window in his birthday suit and leaned out to get a better look at the hottie on the black horse.

"Oh my, you are handsome!"

Dean grinned up at the naked girly boy, "I can see your downstairs hair…nice. It's as pretty as the hair on your head."

Sam raised his arms flashing his pit curls, "How do you that?"

Dean adjusted his tight trousers. "Wow…just wow. I am so into hair you wouldn't believe it. Marry me."

Sam giggled, "First you have to say the magic words."

Dean fished a piece of paper out of his pocket that Milky Eye had given him in case he made it to the tower.

"Sampunzel, Sampunzel, let down your hair so that I may climb the auburn stair." Dean looked at the paper again, "Shouldn't that be golden stair…oh well. I guess you are pretty far from blonde."

Sampunzel dropped his braid out the window and the end just reached Dean, "Climb up but don't swing on it or anything, I have to hold the other end so you don't rip the hair right out of my head."

Dean stood on Baby's back and grabbed the end, "Ready?"

Sam grasped the base of the braid right before his scalp with both hands, "Ready."

Dean climbed as carefully as possible bracing his feet against the tower wall as he went.

Alfie extended a little paw, "Here Dean, grab my hand and I'll pull you in."

Dean swung his legs over the ledge and hopped inside. "Thanks anyway little buddy."

There was Sampunzel in all his nudie glory with arms open and a dimpled smile on his face. "Finally, a handsome hero worthy of saving me, let's get out of here so you can make good on that marriage proposal."

Dean twirled his finger in the air, "Let me see your sweet cakes…I hate to sound shallow but…"

Sam turned and slapped his prime meat, "Oh of course, you need to know what you're getting. I'm actually quite shallow myself."

Dean's emerald eyes were the size of saucers as he took in the perfect set of buns, "Awesome. I've only seen one other ass as fine as that."

Sam turned around, "Oh really, who?"

Dean smiled as he thought back to the incredible night with pretty Prince Castiel, "No one in particular." Suddenly he missed the royal cutie.

He shook off the feeling that he might actually be a major A-hole for taking the Prince's virginity and then leaving.

Sam slipped a shift over his head and grabbed his favorite hairbrush, "All set. Now how are we going to get down? I assume you have a plan."

Dean looked out the window and realized he couldn't actually get Sampunzel out.

"Uh…about that…"

….

The grappling hook salesman met the Prince and Gabriel going the opposite direction toward the tower.

"Could I interest you gents in a grappling hook?"

Gabriel pulled out his coin sack, "Give us two just in case."

TBC


	5. Hook & Ladder

A hook and ladder team from the Fairyland Firehouse stopped by the tower when they noticed a squirrel waving his paws and dancing on the windowsill high above them.

The two handsome firemen had just finished putting out a blaze at old Farmer Dell's hay loft. They were shirtless and covered in soot with glistening, sweaty chests.

The one named Lance yelled up the Alfie, "Hello there little squirrel."

Alfie, seeing how handsome they both were just knew Sam would love the two heroes.

"Sam come quick, there are two good looking men that have an actual ladder!"

Sam stuck his head out the window and waved down to the pair, "Hello there tasty men."

"Hello there pretty young thing. We are traveling homosexual fireman on our way back home to sponge each other off with soap and water. Are you in need of saving?"

Sam couldn't believe his good luck. Here he had Dean and now two delicious treats willing to save him.

"Ok, I have a very hot young man up here. Will you save him as well?"

Dean pushed Sam aside and dropped a vase of flowers on the fireman's head, "Piss off you has-been underwear model! Sam is mine; I've claimed him as my own."

Sam whispered loudly, "Dean they can rescue us both."

"No way, I'll figure something out."

The other fireman who was even sexier than the first waved his arms in the air, "Hellooooo up there, forgive the tiny shred of fabric that barely covers my manhood. I was saving a basket of kittens from a tree and my masculine firemen uniform was almost ripped clean off in the process."

Sam squealed and clapped his hands, "Oh Dean, he saved kittens, surely these men are trustworthy."

Dean eyeballed the almost naked man with the handlebar moustache. He dropped another vase of flowers this time aiming for the other fireman. "Keep it moving, this isn't a bachelorette party or a strip club. Besides what the hell was a basket of kittens doing in a tree anyway?"

Both men gave deep, manly laughs. Lance answered, "Its hero stuff young man, you wouldn't understand."

Sam shoved Dean to the side, "I'm sorry, my new boyfriend seems very jealous."

One of them let out a long whistle, "May I ask if the carpet matches the drapes?"

Sam giggled and went to raise his shift dress. Dean pushed him back on the bed and then shoved a credenza out the window. It was a pretty big window.

"I said get lost!"

It broke their hook and ladder wagon in half and the horses ran off. There were insults exchanged and then the two angry and frustrated firemen started their journey back home for a nice hot, steamy bath together.

Alfie was hopping mad. "Great, I'm stuck with one that's shallow and one that's jealous and shallow. Oh how I hope a prince shows up."

…..

It was night by the time Prince Castiel and Gabe arrived at the tower. Castiel was in a foul mood. He looked over at his faithful manservant, "You know if you rode a horse like normal people maybe we could get places faster."

Gabe patted Ruby, "She may be slow but old Ruby is dependable. With the right incentive this gal will do anything!"

"Gross."

Castiel balanced on Daphne's saddle and called up as loud as he dared, "Sampunzel, Sampunzel, let down your hair so that I may climb the golden stair."

Sam's eyes popped open immediately. He stepped over Dean who was sleeping on the floor and went to the window. He called down softly, "Hello, you knew what to say. Are you royalty?"

"Yes I am, a prince actually."

"Oh nice, are you good looking? It's too dark to tell from here."

Gabe answered for Castiel, "Yeah he's really handsome and adorable even. Better yet he's single and looking for a mate."

An incredibly long and thick braid tumbled out the window, "Go on then, climb up."

First Castiel and then Gabe got to the ledge and crawled into the tower. Castiel held out his arms to the very tall maiden, "Here I am to save you!"

Sam twirled around the room, his sheer nightie floating around him. He burst into song, "I knew in my heart that someday…"

Alfie climbed onto his friends shoulder and slapped a paw over his mouth, "Please don't scare this one off."

Dean woke up and let out a loud yawn. He rubbed his eyes and then did a double take. He hopped to his feet and took a step back from the furious little Prince. "How did you get up here?"

Castiel marched over and kicked Dean in the butt, "You have some nerve deflowering me and having pretty pillow talk then abandoning me and my broken heart." He banged his fists against Dean's chest, "You brute."

Sam was now the one furious, "Do you mean to tell me you slept with a virgin Prince and now you want my precious rump?"

Dean shrugged, "Something like that."

Sam jabbed a long finger against the Prince, "And you…you are not a hero. There is only room for one lady boy in this story so back off."

Castiel growled, "I have a mind to threaten you with my short sword."

Dean cackled from the sidelines, "It's a nice short sword. Come on my little pussies, don't fight over me. There is plenty of Big Dean to go around."

He earned a slap in the face from them both.

Sam took a scissors, grasped his braid at the shoulder and lopped it off. He secured it together and then tied one end to the poster of the bed and tossed the other out the window, "Fudge you Dean!"

He climbed down his once crowning glory and ran off into the woods. Castiel followed right behind but first left Dean with parting words, "Virgin defiler!"

Alfie pulled a toothpick from his scabbard, "Hurry Dean, we must save them. Both are too stupid to be wandering around the forest."

Dean let out a sigh and with shoulders slumped gathered up the nutty squirrel and climbed down to find them.

…..

Gabe was all forgotten. He stayed behind to ransack the place when Crowley appeared sipping a brandy.

"Where is my blushing bride to be?"

Gabe looked out the window and even the horses and goat had abandoned him. "Gone but hey, I'm kinda fun."

"Hmmm…not as pretty, in fact you are not pretty at all."

"What I lack in looks I make up for in smarts and personality. Plus I'm really good in the sack."

Fergus stroked his beard as he mulled over his options. Chase down the virgin Mother had for him or settle for someone interesting and potentially fabulous at intercourse.

He decided the only thing to do was burn Rowena and go for the bird in the hand. "Excellent, we will just put a veil over your face for the nuptials."

Gabe snorted, "Gee thanks you charmer. How is someone like you still single?"

"I often wondered that."

….

Sam and Castiel were exhausted by the time they entered the meadow. Sam sat down in a patch of dandelions and decided to make them each a crown. He placed one on Castiels head, "there, now you like a prince."

Castiel placed the other on Sam's head, "there now we both look like girls. Oh Sam who am I kidding? I'm not manly man like Dean or those traveling firemen you talked about. I want to grow things in my garden and play music on my harp. I have something to confess to you."

Sam took the Princes hands in his, "go on, you can tell me anything."

"Mother wants me to marry someone feminine so they can give her grandbabies but I want to be the one feminine one. I secretly try on her gowns when she has her bowling league on Tuesdays. I dance and swirl around the ballroom alone pretending I have a Prince of my very own."

Suddenly there was the sound of a large creature approaching through the woods. Castiel pulled out his short sword. "Halt who goes there…I have a sword and I'm not afraid to use it!"

TBC


	6. The Prince, Maiden & Rake

Prince Castiel's big baby blues darted around the tree line waiting for a creature to attack.

Dean stepped out of the woods looking worse for wear. He was scratched up by brambles and limping after spraining his ankle trying to escape a brown bear who thought Dean resembled a tasty pot of honey.

Dean shambled over and flopped down in the patch of dandelions next to Sam. "Put your sword back in its sheath Princess and don't get your panties in a bunch."

The handsome rouge looked from Sam to Castiel and broke into a grin, "Nice flower crowns. Looks like I got two women to satisfy. Sam you look better without all that damn hair."

Sam sadly fingered the raggedly cut ends of the bob he was sporting after loping off his glorious mane. "I look horrible. I miss my stunning braid."

Dean shoved the virgin on his back and pinned his shoulders, "Don't worry baby, it's not your hair I care about." He rutted between the maidens legs a few times with too much fabric blocking Sampunzel's treasures.

Sam halfheartedly attempted to push him off, "Oh poo, I'm weak as a kitten. Get off me, you brute!"

"Oh I'll get off alright and if I do my job so will you buttercup."

The Prince pointed his sword toward Dean, "Unhand the maiden, he's mine. I promised Mother."

Dean rolled off onto his back tucking his arms beneath his head. "Come on Princess don't be like that. Don't you want to take a ride on my big…fat…juicy dick again? I'll take you both on."

An acorn bounced off from Dean's forehead and loud chattering was heard from the trees. Alfie dropped onto his chest and pounded against it with his tiny fists. "How dare you, Sam is a good boy. I thought you were a hero but I can see now you are just a pig."

Sam gently lifted his friend off Dean and set him on his own chest, "Thanks Alfie, you are always such wise counsel. Now, don't take offense little buddy but get lost."

Alfie squeaked, "What?"

"I mean just go eat a nut or something because I think I want to do it."

Alfie stomped around on Sam's chest. "Sam he's a player!"

"I know but I'm all…horny."

Alfie dropped a pile of anger nuggets on Sam's chest then scampered into a tree.

The Prince who had the last say in the matter demanded they saddle up and head back to the castle because the adventure had taken too long and he was sure the Queen was worried. It was bad enough the Prince was coming home without his manservant.

…..

Dean insisted on Sam riding in front of him on Baby. Sam felt a hand slip up his dress half way there and something long and hard poke him in the butt crack. "Ow, what is that?!"

"Don't worry about it."

Castiel rode by and smacked Dean on the back of the head then galloped away on Daphne.

They made it back to the castle by sunset. Servants immediately rushed out to tend the Prince and the strangers with him.

Naomi stood under an arch loaded with climbing cucumber vines. She nervously twisted a hanky in her hands when the two strangers approached with her son.

"Castiel, who are these people?"

He swept his arms to the sides, "Mother this is the fair damsel Sampunzel. I rescued him from the tower. This is Dean, he…he is a special man."

Naomi eyed the handsome rake coolly, "Special as in need of assistance with day to day living or special as in remarkable?"

Dean bowed with a flourish to the Queen, "I assure you my beautiful Queen, I am pretty damn remarkable."

She pulled her son aside and hissed in his ear, "You let him have relations with you."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Yes…it's true. But Mother it was wonderful although I found I walked painfully afterward. I don't know if a member is supposed to be that big."

Naomi glared at Dean for a moment then stormed inside.

…

Dean reclined on the huge luxurious bed. It had a massive headboard filled with carvings of what looked to be boys playing leapfrog in the nude but Dean knew exactly what those naughty boys were doing and it wasn't a game.

He shoved his hand down the front of his trousers and gave his dick a nice pull to prime the pump for some action.

Sam stood there looking very lost. He wasn't sure what his role was in this trio. Dean patted the featherbed and smiled at the maiden, "Bring that pretty ass of yours over here."

Sam sat primly with hands folded neatly on his lap. "What now?"

Alfie wiggled his way out of the bodice of Sam's dress and fell to the bed. "I almost died in there."

"How did you get in there?"

"I'm a squirrel; we are known to be sneaky. Besides you don't have boobies so I smuggled myself in a soft cup."

The squirrel shook his version of a finger at Sam, "Don't have sex with him Sam. What if the Prince gets angry?"

Dean picked up Alfie and dumped him in the nightstand drawer and closed it. "There, enough of him."

…..

Castiel listened at the door of his bedchamber and heard giggling and the sound of what thought could be a moose tromping around. He flung the door open and found Sam running around naked with Dean in hot pursuit.

"What is going on here?"

Dean turned toward the Prince and waggled his dick, "Nothin' you can't join in sweet stuff. Now get over here and let Big Daddy hit that."

TBC

A/N-

A/N-A rake, short for rakehell (analogous to "hellraiser"), is a historic term applied to a man who is habituated to immoral conduct, particularly womanizing.


	7. Menage a Twat

Cas waved Sam over and took him out of ear shot. "He is a cad of the worst sort. I think he deserves to be punished."

Sam groaned, "Is this going to delay my gratification?"

"Yes but I promise it will be worth it."

The pair spoke in whispers punctuated by giggles while a nude and impatient Dean knelt on the bed watching them. "My boner isn't going to take care of itself."

He rudely thrust out his hips, "Sam, get your booty over here toot sweet." He wiggled his eyebrows at the pretties. "Bet you didn't know I speak French. There are other things I know in French like ménage a twat. It means I like twats which you both have."

Sam nodded to the Prince, "I'm in. He deserves it."

….

Alfie pulled a MacGyver to escape the drawer. He found a rubber band, a paper clip and a stick of chewing gum and fashioned a crude hand drill and a routing bit out of the items. He stuck the tip against the inside of the drawer and started turning the hand crank. _"Come on paws, don't fail me now."_

Alfie heard someone yell, "Ow!"

"Don't worry Sam, in about an hour I'll be outta here to save you!"

…

Dean was over Sam's lap pinned down while Castiel spanked him with a silver handle hair brush. After another swat Dean whined, "What did I do except want to make you both feel good?"

Sam rubbed his captive's sore bottom with a cool hand, "We want a little romance and respect."

Castiel dropped the brush and gave Dean's bubble butt another slap, "Did you hear that?"

A defiant Dean laughed at them both. "I am who I am so get used to it bitches."

He was spanked without mercy by them both until he wiggled against Sam's lap, let out a moan then promptly fell asleep.

Sam pouted, "Now my thighs are all sticky."

…..

While Dean was sleeping off the spankgasm Castiel and Sam dined with the Queen. She grilled both boys about Dean's intentions then pointed out the court would never accept someone like him as a royal consort.

Castiel explained to his mother that he didn't want to marry Sam and would rather remain single if it meant he couldn't marry Dean. She said that was fine, he could continue to grow his vegetables until a more acceptable masculine male came along.

Disheartened, the Prince left the table and Sam followed.

….

Dean woke up bookended by pretty boys. Both were suddenly very shy after the spanking they gave Dean. Sam was especially demure knowing what was about to happen.

Dean pulled them both in then kissed Sam. He decided to try the romantic approach and spoke sweet nothings in the virgin's ear.

"Sampunzel you are the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on."

Castiel gasped, "You said that to me right before you took my virginity."

"Cas, Sam is the most beautiful creature over six feet tall. You are the most beautiful under that."

"Oh, ok."

Dean patted his shoulders, "Come on you big girl sit on my face and I'll get your sweet treat ready for the monster."

After much careful maneuvering Sam slowly settled on Dean's face and waited for something to happen. "Oh! Oh what is that…it feels like a snail sliding inside my cookie jar."

Dean came up for air, "Don't worry about it."

He grabbed a handful of booty and squeezed as he buried his face inside Sam's sugar walls giving the maiden a good tongue lashing. Soon Dean was squashed as Sam swiveled his hips and ground his honey pot over Dean's face.

"Ooooh Deeeeeean!"

Dean should have worn some sort of apparatus that gave him the ability to breathe when performing carnal acts that caused excessive amounts of moisture.

A true fact, later on Dean would invent the sex breathing tube. Another true fact, Phillip J. Snorkel would steal Dean's idea and become rich and famous selling his invention to divers around the world.

Sam found himself flipped on his back and a member of massive proportions was shoved balls deep in his who-ha. Dean pounded the virgin taco so long that the Prince wanted in on the action.

" _I'll prove to Mommy that I'm a real man."_

He mounted Dean from behind and forced his ramrod inside the perky pink starfish. Dean yelped then tried to push Castiel off but with Sam's giraffe legs anchored around his waist the three were locked together until the crescendo.

Alfie had MacGyvered a blindfold and ear plugs out of a paper bag, dog collar and teacup saving his delicate sensibilities from the offending sight and noises.

…..

Dean was trapped, "Cas…Cas pull out."

The Prince yawned as he rolled off making a soft pop as his dick slid out of Dean's tender posterior. "That was nice."

Sam dropped his legs and Dean rolled off him landing on the other side. "I feel like a real woman now. Dean that was wonderful."

Dean got out of bed and hobbled to the door, "I have to take care of the rug burn on my face and soak my sore ass." It wasn't quite what Dean had signed up for.

…..

 **Eight Months Later**

Naomi paced back and forth in front of Sampunzel and Castiel who were both sporting big bellies. "How could you both let this happen? I don't want that cad marrying my son. Sampunzel Dean is all yours."

Sam did a fist pump, "Yes!"

Dean who was leaning casually in the doorway peeling an apple added his two cents. "I want conjugal visits with Cas and shared custody of the kid."

The Prince begged, "Please Mommy, otherwise I'm back to gardening. Plus you know a child needs its father."

The negotiations began with Naomi. "Fine Dean, you can bed my son with protection."

"I bed your son without protection but we keep track of his monthlies on a calendar so he doesn't get knocked up again. Little Dean doesn't wear a rain coat, sorry."

"Fine, liberal visitation but conjugal visits only one a month."

Dean agreed knowing full well after he visited the kid he was going to bang Castiel anyway. "Sure whatever you say." He winked at the pregnant Prince and Castiel fluttered his lashes at Dean.

….

Alfie officiated the wedding between Dean and Sampunzel. He wore a little collar he MacGyvered out of twigs, an acorn and a candy wrapper.

"Do you Sampuzel take this jerk to be your mate?"

Sam was dressed in white lace and so was their baby Alabaster Star. He looked lovingly toward Dean and answered, "I do."

Alfie sighed wearily and turned to Dean. "Do you Sir Jerkalot take this fool Sampunzel to be your mate and make sure the baby always has diapers?"

Dean grabbed Sam's boob and gave it a squeeze, "Honk honk. Sure."

Sam and Dean exchanged rings and unbeknownst to Naomi, Dean slipped a ring to Castiel.

"By the power vested in me by no one in particular I now declare you Jerk and Wife. Kiss the bride."

Dean took Alabaster from Sam and handed her off to Milky Eye who was now the official royal nanny.

Dean first dipped Sampunzel and laid a wet one on him then grabbed Castiel the maid of honor and kissed him. He whispered, "I'll give you a honeymoon when I get back blue eyes." Dean pinched the plump cheek of his son Zappa Jasper, "Be a good boy for Mommy."

Gabriel had finally come back to the castle with his fiancée Fergus in tow. Somehow they managed to fall in love. It was a strange match not made in Heaven but still it worked for them. Gabriel was a wiseass and Fergus was a snob. Luckily both were perverted without an inhibition between them. The intercourse was outstanding.

When Sam tossed the bouquet Gabriel caught it and batted his eyes at Fergus. "Now you have to make an honest man out of me."

Fergus rolled his eyes and snorted, "I'm not even an honest man so why should I make you one?"

Gabriel spotted Alfie packing up his tiny bible and collar in little bag made out of milkweed pods.

"Hey there little guy. Think you can marry me and Fergus?"

Alfie looked over at Fergus who was sipping champagne and looking very bored, "Are you sure?"

Gabriel gave a shrug, "It's not like anyone is beating down my door with a ring. Anyway Fergus is hung like a horse."

Poor Alfie puked up the acorn he ate earlier at the thought of them doing some sweaty humping, "Gross, fine but it's going to cost you."

"What do you want?"

"Kick Rowena in the butt for me."

"Deal."

A few minutes later were saying their vows in front of the squirrel. Alfie had crafted the couple matching bands out of a shed snake skin, a used band aid and a bottle cap. The rings were lovely.

…..

Sampunzel and Dean stayed happily married and eventually moved into the castle. Dean was already there several nights a week for visitation with Zappa and then did some long and hard visiting with Castiel.

Dean had an aversion to birth control so he never bothered to check the Aunt Flow calendar. As a result there were many children fathered by Dean.

Queen Naomi gave in and changed the marriage laws so Dean could make an honest boy out of her son. She realized that it was less embarrassing to introduce Dean as Castiel's husband rather than a cucumber.

Sampunzel's incredible braid was displayed along with the Crown Jewels in the Queen's Gallery. It lay coiled like a pretty snake among the shiny gems and precious metals.

Sampunzel decided he like his bob and never great his crowning glory to great lengths again. After all, it served its purpose. He found a hero handsome enough to finally rescue him.

Castiel planted flowers now instead of vegetables in his garden. He happily shared the love of the same man with Sam.

Dean may have been a bit of a jerk and a layabout but he turned out to be a good father and superb lover, having as many ménage a twats with his bitches as possible.

They all lived happily ever after.

The End


End file.
